Its been about a week since I last posted........I was taking time to reflect on the meeting with the SP. It went Extremely well-better than I imagined. He was humble and completely non-judgemental. I voiced my opinion about the situation with my daughter and how I feel she has NEVER been accepted in the ward. I have not had much support with her at all, and it hurts beyond words. I am not expecting people to come out and help me every day. But, instead of people staring at me like I am an alien on sunday's when she has a meltdown, it would be nice for someone to ask me if I need help or something. The Bishop knows this too! He has never offered any help either. People can tell I have been frazzled, I am sure. Some people know my husband works very long hours and is not home much. Part of the time he IS home, he is either at meetings or the temple, or whatever. So, I am stuck taking care of most things. Okay I rambled off enough about that, now back to the subject LOL
He told me I need to forgive the ward members, and how it is required of all to forgive and how christ forgave. I totally understand that. I will forgive, but it will be on my own time , and I am not sure I can forget. He told me lots of things in my crazy life (and yes, its crazy, trust me) are not allowing the spirit to come in. Plus the resentment I hold. I DID talk to him about my doubts about Joseph Smith. He didn't seem too worried-he insists I have a testimony of him its just that I need to find it. Ah well, at least he wasn't too worried and I am probably under his radar, hopefully. I met with him for an hour and a half. I was happy with the outcome. Heck, he is even watching the kids for us so dh and I can go out-we never go out. I told him we don't have a sitter. Thats another peeve of mine. Of course, now that I mentioned that the SP was going to watch the kids for us I have two people who came forward and said they would watch them. Actually now I have 4 people-the people who came forward first are.....get this....non-members.
Anyway, it should be interesting. Actually I am a bit nervous.
Now something that has made me angry and I have been reeling all day about this.......DH attended his meeting last night. Well, apparently the Bishop DOES know about the letter I wrote. DH Told him. But even BEFORE he told him, he already knew. DH will not tell me who told him. I suspect its a person in the primary presidency. I know who it is. I didn't elaborate on the letter. I got really upset about that this morning, and dh says "Oh.....its not to gossip, they are REALLY concerned about you." Crap. Just when I thought things were okay.........now it seems I AM on their list. sheesh. makes me sick. I think what makes me more upset is the fact that I cannot trust ANYONE. I told that to someone I have respect for , and felt close to.
I feel betrayed.