Sunday, May 18, 2008

Letter to First Presidency-they got it apparently

So I am just a little nervous!
I went to church today as usual, and the Stake President was there today for the other ward, and caught me in the hallway-I saw him coming and immediately wanted to run the other way-but that couldn't happen. Anyway, he wants to meet with me Wednesday night. Right away I said "ohhhhhh........I know what this is about!" LOL I have known this guy for a looooooooong time-since he was a young father (I was rather young when I met him too) and I was his wife's visiting teaching companion back then too. He was asking me what all I am doing-am I working, etc etc.........he's probably trying to get a "feel" for what all I am up to. He's a nice guy, but the thought of being put on the spot just freaks me out. I have nothing to hide, and I have done nothing wrong (as I also stated in the letter) but my goodness I know come Wed. I will be SO nervous!
I wrote the letter a few weeks ago.........Basically asking them what I need to do-saying I feel no spirit, and how I've done the things I have been asked to (reading scriptures, etc-the usual stuff they say to do), and have fulfilled my callings. I did mention I only go for my husband also.
I told them I question some of the doctrine (IE Joseph Smith) and how I have talked to 2 different bishops. This past week since I have read some essays, I wish I wouldn't have written some of the stuff I had in the letter, but I was feeling pretty desperate and didn't quite know what to do. So, the letter was written. Oh well, whats done is done.


Zelph said...

I wouldn't stress out about it, or lose sleep over it. What is done is done, and who knows, maybe things will turn out better if the church leadership knows where you stand.

Of course, once something is "said", it can never be "un-said" and from the experience from other disaffected members, it is best to try to stay as vague as possible. Have you posted on the NOM board? I think you would find that there are some people there that would give you good advice on what to do or how to handle the SP.

Good luck as you might have some rocky seas ahead of you, but I am sure you will survive. Remember you have an internet support group of people that are in your exact situation, or have been in your exact situation. You can ask people that have already gone through what you are going through and find out how they got through it.

I would also refer you to a forum called "faces east". This is a forum that your husband can go to that is dedicated to believing members of the church faced with spouses that stop believing. It is also a support group, and my wife posts on there once in a while and I believe that she has found it to be beneficial to her.

Jeremy said...

I think you will do fine, as soon as you find the confidence in yourself you will know what to do. Right now your entire world has been shaken and I feel that you are still in shock about it. Like Zelph said you'll come out of this just fine, but it'll be rough.

Once you have clearly chosen where you stand it will make things easier, until then keep close those who support and love you regardless of what you think or believe.

PS, thanks for the photo comment :)

Harrington said...

I have also been dealing with doubts about the church. I started my own blog about it to kind of vent since I don't have many other outlets in my lds circles

Harrington said... , forgot to post the address :p